In one of my recent posts (Personal Mastery and the Journey Within), I had introduced the concept of personal mastery. In this blog, I would like to highlight the relevance of this concept to our most cherished relationships.

What’s happening to relationships in today’s society? The numbers of failed marriages are on the increase just about everywhere, and in most of the western world, the divorce rates have reached dramatic proportions – in many countries like the US and Australia, only 1 out of every 3 marriages survives. Over the years, the sense of individuality seems to have got heightened and the time and space for each other has declined. The emotional strength of individuals, growing up in a fast paced society that rewards its winners and looks down on the losers, is under enormous pressure as well. Individuals are seeking perfection in everything, including in themselves and their spouses. As the honeymoon period gets underway and each one finds the other to be less than perfect and different from their earlier expectations, the silent dissatisfaction begins to build already.

Where does personal mastery fit in to all this? As I mentioned earlier, personal mastery is the journey of self-discovery leading to consistently living the purpose of one’s life. It requires a high emphasis on self-knowledge, clarity of one’s personal vision and its interconnectedness with the people and the world around. This journey is all about becoming comfortable with yourself; accepting yourself as you are and not living in the constant pursuit of what you should be (the relentless pressure to be perfect). This begins to happen as you start to understand the truth about yourself and your existence.

As Jesus Christ said, “I am in this world but not of it”. We all are part of the same whole, the same universal life energy – just happen to be in seemingly different forms through different physical and mental manifestations. Even though we seem to primarily operate from our minds (as a result, over the past several million years, the prefrontal cortex part of the brain that deals with logic and rationale has grown dramatically), we need to realize that we are not our minds. Minds are only a manifestation of the human form, conditioned by our genes, childhood and other experiences, beliefs and expectations. As we begin to quieten the mind and go deeper into our real selves, we start to understand our true nature and how we are complete, whole and perfect. Our self acceptance creates the ability to accept and love others; as they are complete, whole and perfect too as they are. We can then also see how we are all part of the same whole and hence totally interconnected.

As this clarity dawns on us, we stop getting stuck in our childhood control dramas – the conditioned brain patterns of feeling the need to win every time or the need to feel a victim of others’ actions etc. We stop being judgmental and accept what is. As we free our minds of these burdening thoughts, we make room for love, joy and peace to flow. We become more forgiving. Accepting ourselves as we are also allows us to be ourselves in all conversations and relationships; further creating a natural and lovely interaction one not marred by superficial comments and masked behavior. Interestingly, Daniel Goleman’s scientific research on the concept of low road and high road corroborates the above theory from a neurological perspective as well. He describes the low road as the more emotional responses of the brain, driven by amygdale and the high road as the thought through and analyzed responses of the brain, driven by the prefrontal cortex. His research shows that as people quieten the high road and do not let multiple thoughts impact their responses, their ability to be in the present and respond to conversations with empathy grows (a healthy sign of personal mastery) – allowing for better relationships to be formed. This also creates the ability to get into I-You relationships, where one is totally engaged versus the I-It relationships where one is typically preoccupied with multiple inner thoughts.

Finally, as we see the Godliness in ourselves and in everyone around us, we can see the relationship with our significant other as one with God too. Marriage can then also become a wonderful relationship for ongoing spiritual practice and growth.

Related Search terms:
Relationship building / Personal Relationship advice