Category: Community

Beware Of The Trap Of Successism

Successism

I was fortunate to grow rapidly in my career. At 33, I became the India CEO of a global firm and at 36, the MD for the Asia region. I was happy and proud of my success. However, as I look back, I had been steadily falling into the trap of what I now call, Successism.

Like many of the other isms in our society, such as racism, casteism, sexism and ageism, successism is an ill-perceived lens to view people as unequal. Successism excessively revers competition, achievement and visible success. We consider success as the defining feature of one’s identity and subconsciously perceive successful people as superior and less successful people somewhat lesser.

Clearly a dysfunctional way to relate to others and to ourselves. While striving for excellence in any field is a worthy pursuit, it’s a real problem if the level of visible success becomes the primary yardstick to measure a person. The prevalent ‘winner takes all’ mentality only makes it worse. As a result, the more successful become more egoistic and arrogant and the less so frustrated and depressed.

The source of successism

Deep down, successism is a reflection of our individual lack of self-worth. When we see ourselves as inadequate and incomplete, we seek to fill that inner void by looking outside. We gravitate towards believing that only if certain external events materialise in our life, we will somehow be more complete. Goaded by the disproportionate value modern society places on visible success, this can become a relentless pursuit over all else.

We then judge ourselves on the basis of our progress on this path. Equally, we judge others on the same measure. All along, failing to recognise that it’s a faulty lens through which we are seeing the world. We completely miss the point that unless we do the self-work to strengthen our self-worth, no amount of external success can fill that inner void. Even if in the short term it seems otherwise.

Unless we focus on cultivating

Covid-19 Is Just The Preview, Beware Of The Real Show!


As a life coach, I am supposed to be positive and optimistic. And I am. However, sometimes naming the elephant in the room is the most positive thing you can do. Acknowledging a challenge squarely is a crucial first step towards working through it. Covid-19 is an unprecedented health, economic and humanitarian crisis. The scale of dislocation being created by this single event is staggering. It is affecting each of us in some way or another and we are quite far from being done with it.

While we are still jostling with this crisis, we should also take the time to reflect on what it’s trying to teach us. Moments of crisis usually bring into sharp focus what’s truly important in life. They also make us question the futility of many of our daily pursuits and things we usually stress about.

I believe this crisis is a reflection of our society’s deteriorating relationship with nature. How our unchecked thirst for growth forces animals away from their natural habitat and closer to humans. (Destruction of nature and Coronavirus) Besides, it’s a reminder of our inability to appreciate our interconnectedness and the need to nurture the whole not just our individual selves. While disproportionate rewards of individual success make us self-centered, this crisis is teaching us that eventually we all sink or swim together.

This crisis also serves as a warning sign from the universe of what lies ahead if we don’t change our ways. There are some sparks of positive change emerging from this tragic crisis, but more about that in my next post. First here are some thoughts on what can go wrong if we simply pursue the old normal.

There are four disruptive themes that are active and growing in our society – climate change, income inequality, parochial nationalism and rapid technological advancement. While any one of these has the potential to create a social tsunami, the prospect of some or all of these coming together at some point is…

Can’t Go Outside? Try Going Inside

Calm

My 87-years old dad went through the second world war, the India-Pakistan partition and even went to jail for Mahatma Gandhi’s Jail Bharo Andolan. Chatting with him on the current pandemic was insightful. Here are four key thoughts that arose from that discussion.

Calm amidst the panic

Fear levels around us are high and palpable. The reality is that our prehistoric brain is wired for survival – not peace and equanimity. We instinctively feel fearful with even the slightest of triggers affecting our survival. (Think stepping on a rope in the dark!) The current crisis is unprecedented and potentially devastating at multiple levels. It may turn out to be a generation-defining event. Fear is naturally turning to panic.

While fear and panic are totally understandable, we need to recognise the need to stay calm. Being calm and positive (while staying vigilant and following all the necessary guidelines) is the key to effectively working our way through any crisis. Listening to the horror stories of the partition from my dad, it is clear that if the health crisis continues, each of us will likely experience a roller coaster of emotions – from denial, anxiety, anger and panic to sadness and despair.

To build greater equanimity, it helps to switch off from the external world of news and social media and instead focus on our inner world. Simply sitting still and becoming an observer of our varying emotions helps. It is important that while observing our emotions, we remain focused only on observing, without judging them (or ourselves). With consistent practice, the volatility of our emotions does subside. (Read: Try mindfulness meditation and ABC of anxiety)

We along with I

With the virus spreading rapidly, protecting ourselves and our loved ones is important. However, if we are healthy, it is essential that we also pay attention to helping others in any way we can. Whether it is the frontline health workers, the daily wage earners or the families of our domestic helpers. Being helpful is…

Capitalism Needs A Soul


“We are not here to merely earn a living and to create value for our shareholders. We are here to enrich the world and make it a finer place to live. We will impoverish ourselves if we fail to do so.”  ~ Woodrow Wilson

Adam Smith, a pioneer of modern economics and author of Wealth of Nations (one of the foremost books on free market economics), wrote another book before that. The Theory of Moral Sentiments was based on the idea that intentional virtue and goodwill are the foundation of both an economic system of free enterprise and a political system of a representative democracy. He acknowledged that if individual virtue deteriorated, neither the free market nor a democracy could ultimately survive.

Capitalism refers to an economic and social system in which the means of production are predominantly privately owned and operated for profit. Besides, all aspects of an enterprise are determined through the operation of a market economy. It is usually considered to involve the right of individuals and corporations to freely trade in good and services, labor and land.

Some of the defining features of capitalism are: high focus on individual (ownership and advancement), pursuit of profit (or wealth creation) and efficiency (determined by competition and free market dynamics). While this system has delivered enormous progress for the better part of last century, I believe it needs to evolve to better respond to the social challenges of our time. Here’s why.

Focus on individual progress

The sharp focus on individual economic progress, as one of the core elements of the system, has led to an all too familiar approach of ‘winner takes all’ – with disproportionate and instant rewards for individual success. According to a report published by AFL-CIO, an American labor organization, the top executives in America earned on average 354 times as much as the average worker. The similar figures for Denmark, Norway and Japan are 48, 58 and 67 times respectively. While this approach has produced some of the highest achievers in diverse…

Mahatma Gandhi Revisited: Life Lessons For You And Me


Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. 

I just finished reading Mahatma Gandhi’s autobiography, My experiments with truth. Not sure why I did not get to it sooner, but I am so glad I finally did. Reading it has been delightful and inspirational. Amidst a global shortage of leadership role models, revisiting Gandhi’s life offers rich lessons towards creating a more meaningful life.

He once famously remarked ‘My life is my message’. Indeed, his life, values and ideals raise the bar for every human being on what’s possible and what to strive for. Here are my five personal life lessons from the book. Notwithstanding his unmatched contribution to India’s independence, these lessons draw on Gandhi’s life journey– the man that he was.

1. Relentless search for truth

There is no God higher than truth.

First and foremost, Gandhi led a life driven by a strong sense of purpose. He was a lifelong seeker of the truth about life – the deepest principles that govern life and make it meaningful.

His strong personal beliefs around self-control, acceptance, equality, love and non-violence were not based on an intellectual understanding of the ideas. They were founded on personal trials, tribulations and experiences that he chose to put himself through – so that he could get closer to the truth. Through his life, he continued to experiment, learn and refine his beliefs and was unabashed in pursuing them irrespective of what people around him thought.

He voraciously read about all religions and philosophies. For him, morality and being truthful, in actions as well as thoughts, were critical foundations towards building a purposeful life. He had immense faith in the power of the universe (God) to support those living a principled life – he narrates several personal experiences as proof.

This brings home the relevance of living by strong values and principles in life. What core principles do you live by that are non-negotiable under any situation? How often have you let convenience get the better of truth?…

Climate Change, Ways Forward and the Journey of Personal Change


Mark Twain might as well have been talking about climate change when he famously remarked, “Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody ever does anything about it.”

Climate change is for real and its alarming impact has been evident all around us. The proportion of hurricanes reaching categories 4 or 5 worldwide has risen from 20% in the 1970s to 35% in the 1990s; the increased frequency of extreme local weather like the 2003 heat wave across Europe that killed over 30,000 people; the receding glaciers (according to the UN, Himalayan glaciers could disappear by 2035 possibly impacting over two billion people); the increasing deterioration of ecosystem and the ensuing diseases with newer mutants of viruses; and the disappearing bee colonies, impacting agricultural produce in many developed countries, are all examples of this change. It is even leading to social strife in parts of the world – the reduction in rainfall in Darfur has turned millions of hectares of already marginal land into desert, leading to one of the largest social conflicts. As we look into the future, the dangers of increased hurricane activity in Central America and Southern US, the risks of places like Maldives, Bangladesh and Cairo being exposed to higher sea levels, the challenges of large scale social migration, and spread of new and unknown diseases worldwide are ominous.

While there’s a significant debate (although often more political than scientific) about whether humans are causing this climate change or if it is merely the result of a broader planetary cycle of change, the scientific community unequivocally suggests that humans are contributing to it. As we know, one of the biggest causes of climate change is the rising level of carbon emissions, brought about by burning of fossil fuels, like oil and coal, by cars, planes, homes, factories, and power plants. On average in the US, a passenger car emits over 5 tons of CO2 every year and a home emits 4 tons of CO2 per person each year. The Ecological Footprint Network has estimated that humanity’s burden on…

Personal Mastery and Living our Lives Inside Out…


In many of my recent posts, I have written about the principles behind personal mastery and its relevance to our lives and the world around us. In this post, I would like to highlight how this journey or outlook is so powerful in clarifying our own roles and their context in the world around us.

We all play multiple roles in our life – at work, with family, with friends, and in society and so on. How do we become clear of our purpose in life and its interconnectedness with our various roles? How do we prioritize among the numerous options of spending our time and energies – between personal goals, community work and building relationships…?

I am a life and executive coach and in my coaching practice, have the privilege of working with people often discovering answers to these very questions. These situations are not unique to coaching conversations but are common place occurrences in all our lives. Let me share some examples. A visionary leader of a voluntary organization I was working with, was deeply committed to making a substantial difference in the lives of the under-privileged. Driven by his ambition in his chosen field, he was often stressed and while in his early 40s, had become hypertensive. Now, given that we may often believe that people involved in the area of giving have greater meaning in life and are hence worry-free, the health situation of this leader may seem paradoxical. In another example, consider the case of a courageous single mother who was substantially stretched in her roles as a senior executive at work and as a mother. While she described her children as her clear top priority, she constantly felt torn between working late hours (supposedly to be able to earn more and thereof better take care of her children) and spending time with the children. She also expressed feeling a significant lack of fulfillment in her life. While I am simplifying these situations to bring out a point, I hope you can…

Personal Mastery and World Consumption Levels


In one of my initial posts (Personal mastery and the journey within), I had introduced the concept of personal mastery. In this piece, I would like to highlight the relevance of this concept to dealing with potential challenges and mismatches of world consumption levels.

Research on global differences of consumption levels done by Professor Jared Diamond of UCLA highlights that on average a person in the developed world consumes 32 times more than his counterpart in the developing world. The developed world represented by the US, Western Europe, Japan and Australia accounts for about 1 billion people, the rest of the world’s population being 5.5 billion. As developing countries, led by China and India, aspire to match the consumption levels and lifestyle of the developed nations, the world is likely to face a major resource crunch – for food, oil, metals and so forth. Now, just China’s catching up with the developed world would roughly double the global consumption rates; India and China together catching up would triple the same rates. If the whole developing world were to catch up with the developed world one day, Professor Diamond argues, it would be equivalent of feeding a world population of 72 billion people – something our world is not known to be equipped to provide for (at least not at the current time).

What can we do to meet this future challenge? As I had mentioned in my post on personal mastery and communities, the real challenge with some of the global issues like poverty is not that the world does not have enough to feed the poor, it’s the inability of the human race to share and distribute the existing wealth to raise the overall standards of living across the planet. Will we continue to have the chase of higher consumption levels and eventually run out of resources; in consequence, creating high inflation and a new band of poor population – in this case spread across developing and developed…

Personal Mastery and Communities


In one of my first posts (Personal Mastery and the Journey Within), I had introduced the concept of personal mastery. In this blog, I would like to highlight the relevance of this concept to serving and building communities.

To me, personal mastery is the journey of self-discovery leading to consistently living the purpose of one’s life. It requires a high emphasis on self-knowledge, clarity of one’s personal vision and its interconnectedness with the people and the world around.

As the definition suggests, the person advanced in this journey is likely to have a deeper understanding of the interconnectedness of herself with the people and the world around her. Such a person is likely to well appreciate the interconnectedness of the different pieces that make up her world – elements of nature (the air she breathes and the water she drinks), efforts of people in her life (their love and support), contributions of her ancestors (in bringing her to life) and numerous other people in the world (whose efforts allow her to live her daily life with ease and comfort). As he acknowledges the contribution of others in his life and develops gratitude towards the people and the world around him, he is likely to feel obliged and become keener to pay the society back in some way or another.

Most often when we are unhappy, we have a starved feeling – a feeling of lack, as if we are not getting enough. As Shakti Gawain talks about the concept of outflowing in her book on Creative Visualization, she describes how when we find the place within us that is giving, the flow reverses. True giving, she clarifies, happens not from sacrifice, or self-righteousness or something spiritual, but from the pure joy of it. As we begin the journey within, we realize that we have an infinite reservoir of love and happiness within us; however, we are conditioned to thinking that we have to get something from the outside to be happy. As we learn to…