Category: Spiritual

We all experience a sense of incompleteness or inadequacy from time to time. You could be insecure about your intellect, your capability, your background or your future. Perhaps you struggle with imposter syndrome – the feeling that you are not as good as people perceive you to be.

What we don’t realise is how much this underlying insecurity shapes our life experience. It is often at the heart of our fear, anxiety, ego, and restlessness. It influences how we relate to others and how we react to setbacks. In many ways, it forms the fabric on which much of our life experience is woven.

The birth of striving

Subconsciously, we try to overcome this insecurity in many ways. We seek perfection in ourselves, seek approval of others around us and chase big visible and material goals. We implicitly assume that achieving these will make us feel complete – in our own eyes and that of the others. That we’ll finally feel secure.

Yet, the top of every hill we climb turns out to be the bottom of the next. And the feeling of incompleteness returns. Comparing ourselves with others leaves us dissatisfied and insecure because there’s always someone who’s more successful, smarter, fitter, kinder, or who seems to have a more ‘perfect’ life.

The shift towards wholeness

True progress begins with building greater self-acceptance and deeper self-love. Ordinarily, we judge ourselves all the time – we are often our worst critics. Instead, we need to practice unconditional love for ourselves. This unconditional love doesn’t mean we believe we are perfect – simply that we are enough the way we are.

Know that each one of us is complete, whole and enough the way we are and where we are in life right now. Irrespective of whether you get that coveted promotion or not, whether you lose weight or not, and whether your child gets admission to their dream college or not.

Our true self

To connect with our completeness, we need to look beyond our passing thoughts and emotions. What…

We have two types of thoughts – voluntary and involuntary. Voluntary thoughts are the ones we consciously choose to have. For example, when planning, analysing or engaging in an activity. Involuntary thoughts are the ones that arise in our mind on their own. If you have ever tried meditating, you surely know what involuntary thoughts look like.

Research suggests that over 90% of our thoughts arise involuntarily from the subconscious mind. Even when we are consciously engaged in an activity, many of our thoughts are involuntary. Many of them are repetitive and a significant proportion of them are disempowering and negative thoughts.

Why the negative bias 

No different from the heart pumping blood, it’s the human mind’s innate nature to produce thoughts. Our subconscious mind is the storehouse of all our past desires, emotions, beliefs and experiences. And conditioned by our past, it carries a highly judgemental bias. It judges everything to be good or bad, desirable or avoidable, pleasurable or painful.

This feeds our desire to maximise favourable experiences in life and minimise unfavourable ones. The constant struggle to achieve that generates negative thoughts and emotions. We fear unfavourable experiences. On the other hand, we become attached to the favourable ones. We want to hold to them, crave for more and then fear losing them. This pattern repeatedly disturbs our peace.

Why positive thinking is not enough

One of the leading prescriptions to deal with negative thoughts is to develop positive thinking. How we should focus on the positive in every situation. How we should not dwell on the negative thoughts. That surely helps, but not enough and not everyone.

This is primarily because as long as we view every thought or situation as positive or negative, we perpetuate our judgmental psyche. Besides, overvaluing positive thinking can create a sense of helplessness when we are experiencing negative thoughts. We then avoid or suppress the negative thoughts rather than learn to face them. Further, inability to think positively leads us to judge ourselves as inadequate, further solidifying the…

One of the real sources of stress in our life is the insecurity of not being enough. The subconscious feeling that we are incomplete, that there’s always something out there that would somehow complete us. It dictates much of our dysfunctional thinking. We have an imagination of a perfect self which by the way is a moving target. And falling short of that, or even the prospect of falling short, reinforces this feeling. We worry not only about under-achieving, but also about how poorly others will perceive us then.

Besides, we constantly compare ourselves with others. As there’s always someone more successful, more interesting, healthier, better connected or seemingly happier, we feel less about ourselves. We envy others and judge and criticise ourselves. Some of us tend to lose confidence or become more submissive. Others react to this feeling by becoming more ambitious or aggressive.

But you are already enough

What if you are already enough? Not when you get closer to your perfect self, but how you are right now. Not when you lose weight, get the next promotion or your child gets their dream job, but where your life is at this very instant.

Each of us is a microcosm of this universe. Our essence is the same as the rest of existence but our limited mind is unable to relate to it. Water is the essence of both an ice cube and a cloud, but we perceive each of them very differently. Gold could appear as a necklace, a ring or a bracelet – but that doesn’t change their core.

Our essence is our soul. You can break glass into as many pieces as you like, each of them would still be glass. Likewise, our individual soul is the same as the soul of the universe. And it is complete, whole and enough!

We are unable to experience this truth because of an ignorant and conditioned mind. Societal expectations condition our mind with the idea that we are incomplete unless…

I know it sounds like a morbid question. But I believe reflecting on it can be insightful and rewarding. Working recently with a client battling a seemingly terminal illness was an eye opener. It was enlightening to see how the illness brought sharp mental clarity for him and triggered meaningful life changes. I wondered about the changes I would make if I knew I had such limited time.

Anthony had been diagnosed with third-stage colon cancer. He was 49 years old, married and had 18-years-old twin girls. When we met, he had undergone a surgery and was about to start his radiation therapy. While he was expectedly overcome with fear and anxiety, I was struck by his openness and determination to heal.

Life Lessons

He began by exploring the lessons this illness was trying to present to him. He identified that he only knew the ‘play’ button and never pressed ‘pause’ in life – that he obsessively chased future goals, identified strongly with his professional success, pursued trivial pleasures and never had time for a health check. Forced to pause, he could see the value in choosing to slow down and living in the present.

In moments of quiet reflection, he wondered about the futility of his actions that were simply trying to feed his ego  – always pushing to get ahead, trying to look better than others and wanting to win in every interaction. He could relate to the potential lightness in letting go of his ego and becoming a more secure person.

Despite his past attachment with the material life, he had suddenly developed a strong urge to explore spirituality. He immersed himself into books and videos about inner healing, contacted a Reiki healer and began taking meditation lessons. He was starting to see his illness as an opportunity to grow in courage, patience, mindfulness, empathy, kindness and humour.

Holistic Living

Notwithstanding the daily ups and downs of his condition, through some of the practices he was following, he was progressively feeling more…

Calm, relaxed, restless, anxious, envious, confident, unsure, loving, guilty, grateful. As my thoughts drifted, these are some of the emotions I felt just in the past hour. And these are only the ones I was aware of. Striving to be more self-aware, I try to be in touch with my thoughts and emotions as often as possible. Hoping to have a better understanding of my tendencies, so I can slowly reform them to a healthier state.

However, a sudden insight recently offered a breakthrough in this practice. It’s about grasping the distinction between who’s feeling these changing emotional states and who’s observing them within. Who’s doing the thinking and who’s being aware of the thoughts? Who’s busy with the ongoing self-talk and who’s doing the listening? For all these questions, the answer is the mind and the Awareness respectively.

This Awareness, that allows me to observe my thoughts and feelings, is our true self. It is the mirror that makes our ever-changing thoughts and emotions visible to us. It is the screen on which we project our emotional and mental drama. However, since this projection is continuous and we are so engrossed in it, we believe we are the movie and totally miss the screen. We identify with our job, family, friends, religion, nation etc. However, this unwavering Awareness, that makes such identification possible, is the real us.

Three levels of consciousness

We can have three levels of consciousness. Level one is the outer (or body) consciousness. Our consciousness is limited to what we perceive through our sensory organs – what we see, hear, smell, taste and touch. At this level, we react to outer experiences on autopilot. If we eat a tasty snack, we crave for more and overeat. Someone cuts our lane on a busy street and we get angry at them.

Level two is the inner (or emotional/mental) consciousness. Here we are aware of our thoughts, feelings, motivations, attitudes and preferences. We are in touch with our inner craving for…

A committed meditation student was very keen to become a master. He went to a guru and asked him, “How long would it take?” The guru replied: “Ten years.” The student, a bit impatient, was disappointed and queried, “But I want to master it faster than that, I will work very hard, and practice ten or more hours a day if necessary. How long would it then take?” The guru smiled and remarked, “Twenty years.”

We are routinely restless about our future. We want to be sure that we will achieve our desired outcomes. Besides, we are constantly striving for something more satisfying. We wish for more success, recognition, wealth, comfort, love and recognition. Our addiction to smart phones and social media is a reflection of this underlying restlessness.

While some level of restlessness is healthy, in high doses, it drains our focus and energy. In the process, not only are we less effective at whatever we are doing, but also are unable to enjoy the present. Here are three reflective perspectives to address this.

1. Trust the universal intelligence

Nature accomplishes all its results by surrendering to the universal intelligence. This intelligence is not only present within us, but also governs all our vital functions. It runs our digestive, nervous and reproductive systems; manifests our DNA and karmic imprint; and also dictates our cycle of birth and death. In its presence, we are always evolving, as we need to.

However, in our individualistic society, we have a misplaced sense of self-importance. Human mind is a blessing, but also a curse. A powerful mind anxiously wants to shape and bend the flow of the universal intelligence to suit its own wishes. Caught up in its restlessness for more, we become disconnected with the potential of our deeper innate intelligence. When we learn to trust that intelligence and believe that the way our life is evolving is for our highest good, we are more productive and feel more at peace.

2. Discover the right potential

One of the key…