I was fortunate to grow rapidly in my career. At 33, I became the India CEO of a global firm and at 36, the MD for the Asia region. I was happy and proud of my success. However, as I look back, I had been steadily falling into the trap of what I now call, Successism.

Like many of the other isms in our society, such as racism, casteism, sexism and ageism, successism is an ill-perceived lens to view people as unequal. Successism excessively revers competition, achievement and visible success. We consider success as the defining feature of one’s identity and subconsciously perceive successful people as superior and less successful people somewhat lesser.

Clearly a dysfunctional way to relate to others and to ourselves. While striving for excellence in any field is a worthy pursuit, it’s a real problem if the level of visible success becomes the primary yardstick to measure a person. The prevalent ‘winner takes all’ mentality only makes it worse. As a result, the more successful become more egoistic and arrogant and the less so frustrated and depressed.

The source of successism

Deep down, successism is a reflection of our individual lack of self-worth. When we see ourselves as inadequate and incomplete, we seek to fill that inner void by looking outside. We gravitate towards believing that only if certain external events materialise in our life, we will somehow be more complete. Goaded by the disproportionate value modern society places on visible success, this can become a relentless pursuit over all else.

We then judge ourselves on the basis of our progress on this path. Equally, we judge others on the same measure. All along, failing to recognise that it’s a faulty lens through which we are seeing the world. We completely miss the point that unless we do the self-work to strengthen our self-worth, no amount of external success can fill that inner void. Even if in the short term it seems otherwise.

Unless we focus on cultivating self-acceptance and seeing ourselves as whole, complete and enough as we are, we are inclined to constantly look at what’s missing in our life. Rather than be grateful for what’s already in place. Which is why, despite our external success, we don’t always feel fulfilled within. Irrespective of our financial, career or social progress, there’s always someone who’s achieved more. The sense of incompleteness sustains.

The remedy

What we need to do is to pay attention to our relationship with our inner self. We need to realise that we are enough as we are. Just the way we are and just the way our life is, right now, at this very moment! Not when we can achieve certain milestones.

This approach does not make us complacent or disinterested. Instead, we experience a few meaningful positive shifts. Firstly, we no longer chase goals that are set by society or our ecosystem. The ones that we hope will make us look good in our own or others’ eyes. We now set goals based on our inner yardsticks. The ones that fulfil our personal criteria, allow us to express our uniqueness, and help contribute towards a better world.

Secondly, we still strive for excellence and pursue our life goals with passion, but with a difference. We no longer pursue them from a place of inadequacy. Instead, we do so from a place of completeness. ‘I am complete and whole where I am and I would like to get better’ versus ‘Only when I can achieve these goals will I be enough’.

Lastly, when we see ourselves as complete and whole, by extension, we also begin to appreciate that everyone is complete and whole the way they are. Neither do we judge ourselves to be superior or inferior anymore, nor do we judge anyone else. For the first time, we truly embrace the reality – that every human is equal, irrespective of their race, gender, age or worldly success.