Enough and more has been written about attachment being the primary source of human suffering – attachment to money, fame, power, relationships and so on. Buddhism has strong grounding in it, Hinduism talks at length about it. Simultaneously, most spiritual scriptures also talk about the journey of self-awareness, leading to gaining knowledge about the ultimate truth about one self.

One of the things I have been lately wondering about is the sequencing of what comes first – detachment or self-knowledge? Does one lead to the other? Further, are the two related in some manner? What all does the context of detachment encompass – ambition, money, relationships?

My sense, based on coaching engagements with a wide diversity of individuals, coupled with my personal experiences, is that it’s the journey of self-awareness and gaining knowledge about the truth of our existence that is at the core of overcoming our daily frustrations, anxiety, regrets and suffering. As we embark on this journey, it allows us to get closer to our inner selves, the true selves. As we become aware of how our world is created by our perceptions, it moves us towards realizing that we are not our minds; even though we find it hard to not be controlled by our minds. As William Blake said, “If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite”. It initiates us into becoming an observer to our conditioned minds and witness the games the mind plays – how the mind stays focused (and anxious) of the imaginary future, or the regrets of the past, keeps us closed to several opportunities for love and sharing, loves to remind us what we don’t have rather than encourage us to feel grateful for what we have. This then leads to the question of who are we then? As we search for the answers and begin to appreciate the truth about our reality and the manifestation of that reality in multiple forms, including our current existence, we move significantly forward in that journey. This is the beginning stage of experiencing great inner calm, peace and joy.

Going back to where I started though – how and where does detachment fit into all this? My submission is the new state of mind will likely lead to some level of detachment as the person begins to see the futility of certain actions of the mind. Does that mean one begins to lose interest in work? In relationships? Absolutely not. On the contrary, I believe this state leads to becoming more effective in choosing the right work, the work that leads to fulfilling the purpose of one’s life. It also leads to overflow of love and compassion for others – be it the closest relationships or the broader society.

I suppose we tend to typically see detachment as becoming disinterested with a situation; sometimes even assuming it would mean we are devoid of any feelings. However, the state of mind that I talked about above is one of equanimity, rather than of disassociating ourselves from our feelings or emotions, or in any way suppressing them. It’s about acceptance of what is rather than constantly reacting to it. It’s one about experiencing that our usual imagination of freedom – to be able to disassociate ourselves from any situation or even wish it away – is not only a fantasy, it’s exactly the opposite of what true liberation is about; which is having no resistance to whatever is. The Serenity prayer captures this well, “May I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” As we delve into it, I reckon somewhere the answers also lie in building a clearer understanding of detachment. I am coming around to the view that detachment is nothing but a level of self-knowledge that makes one realize the limitations of the outer world and the power of our inner selves. It is the detachment from living with continued ignorance of reality more than anything else. Hinduism has had the concept of Sanyas (renunciation), in pursuit of becoming one with God – seen as some kind of ultimate detachment. To me, true Sanyas does not mean renouncing worldly activity, or relationships, or money, or society; it means renouncing suffering, or rather the causes of suffering, our identification with our mind and our ignorance about our true selves. It is about living in the deep knowledge of oneself and one’s reality for as often in a day as possible – in all actions, at work, in relating to others and so on. Through that, the more one is aware of the Godliness in oneself, the more one becomes closer to God.

As I have talked about the concept of personal mastery in several pieces in the past, that journey of self-discovery and consistently living the purpose of one’s life, is indeed at the core of the inner changes I spoke about above.