A great career, financial success, a nice family, loads of friends, active social life and exciting holidays make a good life, right? We may need to think again! Every so often, I have admired the cheerfulness and tranquillity of many of the security guards, cleaners and gardeners at our building. They arrive at work earlier than required, are always very willing to help and do it with a smile. I have chatted with a couple of them at times and found their approach to life a revealing reminder of what makes a good life.
Firstly, true quality of life is a reflection not of our standard of living but how we experience life within. Secondly, it is a measure of our level of freedom from our volatile emotional-mental states; how well we have won over our frequent feelings of anxiety, fear and envy or craving for a different life. I have noticed three principles that contribute to such a good life.
1. Morality
We cannot be at peace or experience emotional freedom without a clear conscience. A high sense of moral integrity is important for a healthy inner life. Without the strength of character, we can easily compromise on ‘minor’ infractions on integrity. We tell white lies, choose convenience over righteousness and assume that the end somehow justifies the means. It doesn’t!
The emotional residue of any wrongdoing stays and accumulates in our psyche and manifests itself in one negative emotion or the other. For example, guilt results in anxiety, irritability and lower self-esteem. Immoral conduct in business or personal life corrupts and weakens us. Choosing to do the right thing strengthens our inner being.
2. Inner compass
To experience emotional freedom, it’s important to live life on our own terms. We feel free when we align our life to our innate traits, core values and our life’s calling. We carry enormous emotional baggage when we are trying to live a life that we believe others expect us to.
One of the biggest reasons for stress in our lives is our constant propensity to compare ourselves with others. Living by our inner compass relies on feeling grateful for and at peace with who we are and our circumstances. We don’t crave for a different life and choose not to compare ourselves, our life or our progress, with others.
3. Wisdom around control
One of the factors contributing to our inner suffering is our desire to control outcomes – from advancement at work and children’s future to longevity and others’ perception of us. Being focused on goals and doing our best to reach them is healthy. However, with our high achievement-orientation, we routinely obsess about the outcomes. That significantly increases our emotional burden.
The wisest people know the delicate balance between willpower and letting go. They do their best on what’s in their control and are wise enough to let go of the temptation to worry about what’s not in their control. That’s what can help us overcome our constant yearning for favourable outcomes and fully enjoy the present. It also helps us be compassionate towards ourselves, our colleagues and loved ones.
As you may notice, these principles, while not necessarily easy to live by, are great social equalisers. They are within the reach of almost anyone, irrespective of their financial or social status. That’s how some of the staff in my building are happy and peaceful and lead a good inner life. Guess, you and I can too!
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Perfectly simple yet profound! It’s the simple things that we need to grasp… thanks for another gem of an article!
So simple and yet so easy to understand.
This one is a nice one to pass on to my family group for the young and old to learn from.
Very nice article. I have often reflected if the country/city where you stay has an impact on quality of life. For example- a security guard in Singapore will have a higher quality of life than one in India. Is that the reason why in the happiness index, the richer countries are way ahead?
Hi Ramkumar, thank you for your comments. There are a couple of ideas that maybe worth considering here. One, in general, happiness levels rise with income upto a level and then stagnate or even decline. So, it’s easier to be happier when you have reasonable and steady income (not necessarily high). However, within each society, individual happiness also depends on their relative financial status. So someone earning 50k in a society with an average of 40k tends to feel better than another person earning 100k in a society with an average of 150k.
In that context, the security guards in Singapore have their basic needs (house, kids education, some health care) much better taken care of than their counterparts in India. However, what’s impressive about the individuals I encountered is to see their happiness and enthusiasm for life despite being at a relatively lower socio-economic strata within Singapore. I assume you’ve had an experience with an office staff or a domestic worker who’s always at peace despite their circumstances.
Hi Rajiv,
It’s just that I’m following above maxims in my life for over 20+ years. As I call them – 1. Do the right thing per my value system with a clear conscience 2. Live life on my own goals, terms but learn to let go 3. Be in present moment, not often looking back or looking too far ahead 4. This too shall pass
Hi Ramkumar, I did live next to a security guard at Singapore airport and he lived happily with his family and even owned a condo apt. It is just amazing how Singapore is governed including policing and policies, incentives and punishment etc to blend both capitalism and socialism in a harmonious way. It is one of the most fair and just,prosperous and peaceful societies in the world!
While I agree that inner locus of control and the 3 key points discussed in this article are important the kind of society, governance etc. matter equally. Otherwise, life will be like battling and controlling air quality inside your house while living in a highly polluted city.
Good point Kiram, thank you for sharing…
Thank you Rajiv. Indeed, very valid. Though, maybe, it brings in an element of relativeness instead of absoluteness as a driver of happiness?
Definitely Ramkumar! That’s why being guided by the inner compass is key. People who do an honest job and do it full commitment, make peace with their station in life and DON’T compare their life with others (hard to practice), feel good about themselves, sleep well and lead a healthy inner life.
Great article .Personally I find letting go of outcomes/ expectations the most difficult!
Simple but powerful thought to think in different way to understand /Lead happy life in different situation s ,. Thank you Rajiv jee for sharing ,
Hi Rajiv,
You have expressed a very important idea in this article and have done so very well! Thank you so much. I make it a point to always read your blog. It makes me think. 🙂
For many of us, living in this society (whether in India or elsewhere), it is very hard to stay away from comparisons. Keeping up with the Joneses is what you see all around you. And for ambitious people, in particular, it is very difficult to be satisfied with one’s lot in life, does not lead to progress towards goals. On the other hand, in order to find inner peace and happiness, one ought to stay away from comparing oneself with others and stay focused on one’s goals. As long as one is progressing towards them, life is good. Satisfaction is key. In my view, this conflicts with what we see and experience everyday.
Do you have any suggestions for how one can avoid falling in this trap of comparisons at every stage in life? Personally, I find it quite difficult to do and I have to constantly remind myself that I should stay true to what I really want and not worry about anyone else. But I get constant reminders every day about how I may not measure up at work or my child has not achieved as much as some other kids or I don’t have the Tesla my neighbor does and so on. This may require a higher level of consciousness. What do you think?
Vishesh
Thank for the sharing Vishesh, appreciate it. Personally, I have found meditation and regular positive affirmations as helpful tools in trying to stay focused on the inner compass. Positive affirmations can help slowly alter our conditioned approach to assessing ourselves only in comparison to others. Meditation (Mindfulness, TM, Reiki or other techniques) can support us in becoming more focused within, feeling more at peace and more confident of our own path. Hoe this helps.
Hi Rajiv,
This blog is simply brilliant.
However, there are two sides as mentioned in your blogs and I quote
Blog – What Makes A Good Life?
“Being focused on goals and doing our best to reach them is healthy. However, with our high achievement-orientation, we routinely obsess about the outcomes. That significantly increases our emotional burden.
The wisest people know the delicate balance between willpower and letting go.”
Blog – Decline in Meaning
“In modern society, a number of factors contribute towards individuals leading a less than truly fulfilling life. These emanate on the one hand from dealing with rapid globalization, changes brought by technology, increased competition and volatility of employment and financial markets and on the other from increase in a false sense of individuality, disproportionate focus on visible rewards, and break-down of family and social structures.”
Question is how does one live and succeed in this modern society yet make a good life?
Thanks,
Ranjan
Hi Ranjan, thank you for your comments. In some way, it comes down to being sure about what’s most important to you – a life of meaning and inner fulfilment or a life of success (as measured by society). While they don’t have to be mutually exclusive, being clear on what’s more important is key. Generally, if you choose to pursue a meaningful life and possess some of the relevant skills to be good at what you do, you would experience success too. Otherwise we often make our happiness and fulfilment contingent on achieving success (sometime in the future)…
Good article with useful tips. I have come to realize that the very definition of a ‘good life’ changes from person to person. Most often, a ‘good life’ consists of material comforts and such, but I have realized from experience that it’s our relationships which contribute to a good life, beyond the material pleasures. I too live my live by few core principles –
1. Have strong value system and live by some no-compromise principles
2. Avoid the 3 Cs – Compare, complain, criticize
3. Move on from people & places (work/personal) when they become toxic
4. Never hold grudges or be jealous or condescending towards anyone. Move on…
5. Practice mindfulness and have a ‘me’ time to self-introspect regularly
Lastly, but most importantly, always make time for my loved ones, as strong relationships are the bedrock of a ‘good’ and fulfilling life.