The ability to be aware of our thoughts, feelings and actions is unique to humans. This self-awareness is what differentiates us from animals and deepening it is fundamental to our evolution as a human being.

We often use the term self-awareness loosely, and it means different things to different people. In my experience, there are five distinct levels of self-awareness. These represent a progressively deeper understanding of ourselves. This progression can also serve as a useful guide when we are trying to change any behaviour or habit.

1. Outer Self-Awareness

The first level of self-awareness is about being aware of our common behaviour patterns and our visible personality traits. It’s an understanding of how we show up in the world.

“I often get angry” is an example of this level of awareness.

If we wish to change this trait, it is helpful to examine it more closely. For example, how often does it happen, what’s the intensity of the anger, how long does it last and what kind of people or situations does it get triggered by.

2. Inner Self-Awareness

From outer behaviour, we move to our inner thoughts and feelings. At this level, we have awareness of our recurring thoughts and feelings.

Example: “When my teenagers don’t listen to my advice, it shows they don’t respect me and I feel frustrated with my inability to parent them. I also worry that they will make big mistakes in life. This situation makes me angry.”

Here. we are aware not only of the angry behaviour but also of the thoughts and feelings that precede or accompany it. To expand our awareness, it’s useful to observe the impact our anger has on others and ourselves. How does it make the children feel. What are they learning about power dynamics and anger. How do we feel afterward. Was the anger worth it.

3. Subtle Self-Awareness

We usually recognise our recurring thoughts and feelings when we choose to pause and reflect. But at this level, we are in tune with our constantly changing thoughts and feelings as they subtly arise within us. Whether they are linked with insecurity, envy, greed, love, empathy or generosity.

Example: “I am aware when thoughts of disapproval or feelings of anxiety and anger arise in me. These are often accompanied by a tightening sensation in my chest and a quicker breathing.”

This kind of self-awareness is significant in the process of change. Such mindfulness offers us the option to choose a different response, instead of simply reacting in a conditioned way.

4. Acute Self-Awareness

Being in touch with our evolving thoughts and feelings paves the way for the next level of awareness. We then begin to notice where do these thoughts and feeling come from. What’s deeper than our thoughts and feelings. And we get to some of our deep-seated conditioned beliefs.

Example: “Children always benefit from their parents’ advice; when they don’t follow it, they are being disrespectful; if they don’t figure something out soon, they will never figure it out; if my children don’t succeed, it reflects poorly on me.”

Such self-awareness allows us to change our behaviour patterns at their root. Once we can identify our limiting beliefs, we can explore and try to adopt healthier ones. For example, new beliefs could be: “children must grow up to be independent thinkers; while we can share our advice with them, they learn more from making their own decisions; they do have the seeds of progress and wisdom within them and with time they will find their own unique path.”

5. Real Self-Awareness

The final level of self-awareness requires a much deeper dive within. It’s the real deal though. It’s about becoming aware of the nature of our true self. Beyond the personality traits, thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

Example: “I am not my thoughts and feelings. Instead, I am that which is aware of all these thoughts and feelings. The thoughts and feelings change, arise and pass, but I am unchanging and always present. I am complete, whole and enough and I’m not limited to this finite body and mind. I am the pure awareness.”

Grasping this can be a paradigm shift in our journey of inner growth. When we can reside in this understanding, we experience wholeness, equanimity and deeper peace. In that state, the chances of anger arising within us are substantially diminished.