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“People often expect different results from doing the same actions” – Alcoholics Anonymous

Today’s world has a definite bias towards action – the numerous management practices around building a broad vision and then breaking it down to long-term objectives and short-term goals guide us into that direction; the modern society’s value for individualism and the connected belief that we alone create our destiny based on our actions, propels us towards a busier life; and, the mindset towards success and achievement driven by deep-seated attitudes of more is better, winner takes all, and perfectionism make us restless without constant activity. As an outcome, we find it hard to take our hands off the blackberry and wouldn’t mind being caught dead with our things to do checklist.

Behind this constant urge to make something happen and engage in action is an underlying inner sense of incompleteness about ourselves. Driven by the external stimulus of our social context, we never seem to notice it. As a result, we are easily caught into the vicious cycle of “doing, having, and being” – once I DO this (work hard, get my promotion…), I will HAVE that (more money, success, time…) and I will then BE there (happy, satisfied…). However, every hill we climb then appears to be bottom of the next peak. When we do get the much awaited promotion, we do not necessarily have the extra time we had longed for or the sense of fulfillment we had conveniently assumed; and in any case, we maybe already eyeing the next promotion, the next milestone, the next activity to move forward. This eventually leads to a never ending list of unfulfilled goals, burn-out, poor work-life balance and so forth.

As someone said, “Life is what happens to us when we are busy making plans.” The only way to break this cycle is to alter the above sequence to “being, doing, having” – first choose to BE what we want to be, knowing that it will guide us to DO what we love doing, and as a result we will indeed HAVE all that we need. So, if I choose to be happy and peaceful all the time, I will get directed to the profession/ vocation that will facilitate my being happy and peaceful all the time, which in turn will ensure that I gain enough time and resources to sustain myself, allowing the cycle to continue. The reality is we are presented with these choices all the time, how we respond determines who we become over time – tilting the choice in favor of BEING may manifest in choosing to be loving (instead of just spending time together), being present in the moment (rather than multi-tasking), being principled (in place of pursuing efficiency) and so on.

Descartes, the 17th century French philosopher pictured human beings as thinking beings when he said, “I think, therefore I am” and this very sense of individuality has only got further strengthened by modern society. There is always an agenda in all our thoughts and interactions – an agenda of our pronounced sense of self. Also, all along, we are constantly evaluating how the events we are experiencing impact us – whether it’s the evening news or a conversation at work. These are then quickly assessed by the mind as good or bad, leading to further thoughts and new actions. Moving our focus towards BEING helps us move away from a life driven by self-centered goals, agendas and judgments. Consider this scenario. A Dad decides to carve out an hour in the evening to play with his kids. At the planned time, the kids are tired and in no mood to play. If the parent is driven by the “to do” approach, he is likely to judge the situation from his perspective and maybe disappointed at the prospect of not being able to play with them and DOING his bit with the kids. However, if his focus were to be towards using the time to “connect with the kids“(a BEING approach), he couldn’t care less whether the kids want to play or chat or just wander around – he will BE CONNECTING with them in all situations. The same approach is relevant in all aspects of our conduct on any given day – at work, with spouse, kids, at leisure and so on.

Making these choices more consciously may require deeper clarity of personal purpose and values – what do I want my life to be about and what do I stand for? Driven towards achieving our personal potential, very often, we correlate that to how far we can get in our profession, financial status, or public recognition – and that leads us to a treadmill of activity but not necessarily to inner fulfillment. We can start the journey towards discovering and fulfilling our potential only by working on our inner selves and setting a direction of purpose and meaning for ourselves. As they say, “Like in golf, so in life – direction is more important than distance.” Rather than struggling to relentlessly climb the ladder (corporate or social), it may well be more important to determine whether our ladder is leaning against the right wall in the first place. An achievement orientation tends to make us live in and for the future- depending upon time for its fulfillment- whereas living based on deeply felt purpose enables us to live in the present. The human mind typically believes it can control its destiny by DOING stuff. However, the universal life energy creates and moves forward towards its potential by staying in a state of being. When we start staying connected with BEING, we get in greater synchronicity with the universe and that helps us to progress in our path more effectively. This way, choosing to BE allows us to better align ourselves into the journey of better discovering our true potential.

Making this shift can allow us to stay focused on what’s important to us in all aspects of our life, which in turn can lead us to greater happiness, peace and fulfillment. Finally, for those of us die hard fans of making lists, it maybe worth experimenting with the idea of converting our things to DO list into a things to BE list…some sample ideas are mentioned below, enjoy!

Things to do………………………………………Replaced with things to be
Do a good job…………………………………………..Be in sync with my calling
Organize my day………………………………………Be disciplined
Attend client meetings……………………………..Be fully present
Rehearse an important presentation………….Be confident
Work towards the next promotion…………….Be committed
Spend time with children…………………………..Be connected
Holiday with wife……………………………………..Be loving
Attend dinner at a friend’s house……………….Be fun
Grow my network…………………………………….Be engaging
Make things go my way…………………………….Be detached
Perfect the things I do………………………………Be wholesome
Support my spouse…………………………………..Be committed
Water my plants………………………………………Be immersed
Earn more……………………………………………….Be content
Exercise regularly……………………………………Be healthy
Learn more……………………………………………..Be wise