“They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.” ~ Professional golfer Gardner Dickinson

Golf is a peculiar game, undoubtedly unlike any other. Hitting a stationery ball with a sizeable club shouldn’t be too challenging. But it is. Not only is it hard enough to get the swing mechanics involving several moving parts of the body right, but there’s also the additional challenge arising from the role the player’s state of mind plays in hitting the shot – every ounce of our inner demons gets amplified on the golf course.

As much as I have struggled playing the sport (I remain at best a very average recreational golfer after all these years), I have not only enjoyed the challenge, but also learnt a number of life lessons on the course. Here are five that I would love to share with you.

1. Play your own game

Playing against my competitive son (he’s nineteen and beating Dad is a high!), I realised that I was much better off playing my own game rather than trying to beat him at his. I am routinely tempted to emulate other golfers’ techniques in the hope of improving mine – invariably messing up mine further. I have come to appreciate that there are many paths to heaven and knowing my own strengths and limitations and playing to those affords me the best chance.

Likewise in life, unless we are deeply centred within, we easily get influenced by what’s popular around us – and trying to chase what’s popular not only alienates us from ourselves, but also leads to higher stress and lack of inner fulfilment.

Further, as much as learning the swing technique is important, it’s execution on the course is squarely impacted by our mental state. As legendary golfer Sam Snead observed, ‘Of all the hazards on the golf course, fear is the worst’. Feelings of fear, anxiety, embarrassment, and over-excitement routinely flood my mind on the course. Similarly, unless we consciously work on neutralising our inner demons, they continue to haunt us in all aspects of our life, irrespective of our visible success and achievement. (For more, read Conquering the Everest Within)

2. Direction is more important than distance

As a recreational golfer, there’s nothing more thrilling than hitting a ball really long. Unfortunately, in pursuit of that rush, many of my shots end up in the woods, hazards or out of bounds. As I have been learning the hard way, getting a more satisfying score at the end of the round requires hitting the ball straighter, not furthest. Getting the direction right is more important than the distance.

An idea with huge implications in life! In our achievement-oriented society, more is often synonymous with better – the underlying belief that more success and more money equates to greater happiness. This invariably leads us to a treadmill of activity, but not necessarily to inner fulfilment. While we struggle to relentlessly climb the career, social and financial ladder, we fail to ask the question whether our ladder is leaning against the right wall.

A big chunk of our restlessness for ‘more’ stems from lack of a clear purpose in our life. I would argue that clarifying our deeper purpose in life and climbing four rungs of that ladder is more satisfying than reaching eight rungs of the ladder that’s not an authentic representation of who we are. (For more, read Finding Your Thermal)

3. Law of impermanence

Nothing stays the same. The repeatability of the swing, our emotional state, the lie of the ball, or the playing conditions on the golf course. It’s frustrating how I can’t seem to be able to execute two good shots in succession – one day the long game works and the short game sucks, another day it’s the other way around. No wonder we find even pros hitting a score of 63 on one day and 76 the next. It has taught me humility and acceptance. It has forced me to learn to let go of any predetermined plans, trusting myself and adapting to the constant change. All the same, I have begun to appreciate that three poor rounds can be followed by a good one.

So it is in life. As Buddha said, “You can never enter the same river twice.” We age, we fall sick and we get healthy, we have unexpected gains and we have unfortunate setbacks, we are in demand and our skills become redundant, we improve in some areas and deteriorate in others. Building acceptance, adaptability, resilience and an ability to let go of our attachment to a fixed way of being, support us to stay in flow of our life’s natural and dynamic evolution.

4. Be in the present

My golf invariably feels like a sport of missed opportunities – only if I had not sliced that ball or putted on the original line I had chosen or had converted that par chance. Simultaneously, no sooner than I have a couple of good holes, my mind is quick to race ahead to imagining a wonderful round.

As Ben Hogan, one of the all time golfing greats, famously remarked, “The most important shot in golf is the next one.” This requires accepting and making peace with our current reality and focusing on what we need to do in the present. That gives us the highest chance of performing at our best.

Similarly in life, we need to focus on the present; cultivate a deep acceptance of what is – not what we wish, what it could have been, or what it should be, but what is; and engage in whatever we are meant to in the present with full attention and energy. Being in the now helps us to be happier and allows our each moment and action to be more fulfilling.

5. The secret to hitting the sweet spot

As I am learning, to hit the golf ball at the club’s sweet spot requires being both, focused and relaxed – I usually find it easy to be one. Bringing these two somewhat opposing mental states requires a whole new skill. Balancing opposites, like intensely focusing on the ball but holding the club lightly and trusting the swing; keeping the head still but rotating the body freely; being mindful of the choice of shots available but being decisive in picking one, are essential for a fun and fulfilling experience.

In the same vein, bringing together the apparent paradoxical opposites in our life, in an optimal balance, is what the sweet spot of life is about – where there is not only success, but happiness and fulfilment too. Success without purpose lacks meaning and pursuit of purpose without sufficient progress is frustrating; being aggressive makes us less lovable and being permissive results in our needs not being met; loving our children, without setting healthy boundaries, spoils them, but then, enforcing limits, without offering unconditional love, suffocates them. Finding a healthy balance among these is the secret of living the sweet spot of life. (For more, read Passionate Detachment: The Sweet Spot Of Life)