Was Focused on Moderating Greed, Until I Discovered Aversion

It might have been my upbringing that had sown the seeds of looking down on greed. Growing up in an Indian middle class environment, my childhood lessons were strewn with preaching on hard work, integrity, character and simple living. There was an active bias for quality education and a passive one against engaging in moneymaking activities. It was believed that the latter was connected with greed and that it eventually leads to discontentment.

Focused on curtailing ‘greed’

No wonder then, as I consciously decided, a few years ago, to embark on a journey of personal and spiritual growth, the idea of moderating my greed must have come naturally to me. I subconsciously switched from living with multiple and sometimes never ending ‘wants’ to being more centered around fulfilling important ‘needs’. The idea of constantly upgrading to a bigger house or a bigger car, that I was beginning to get accustomed to, didn’t seem to motivate me any more.

I left a lucrative corporate career, chose to pursue a simpler life and to find greater meaning and make a difference to others started a practice of life coaching. In the process, I turned somewhat idealistic in many of my thoughts and actions and it showed up in small but multiple ways – I moderated my ambitions, cut down on my travels, committed to daily meditation and gave up meat and alcohol.

With disciplined practice of meditation, I became calmer, less competitive, discovered new inner strength and found greater peace. I felt less attached to ambition and success and more grounded in a purposeful journey. I was happier.

Then I discovered ‘aversion’

While life looked great for the most part, I found myself occasionally experiencing sharp anxiety over things that seemed relatively insignificant to others around me. I related to these moments as personal setbacks in my otherwise happy journey of spiritual growth. Of course, being that harsh on myself made it worse.

All the same, with continued reflections, I could begin to see a pattern. I had a strong, an almost innate, sense of aversion – an aversion to pain, loss and to any kind of suffering.

I subconsciously detested multiple things, big and small, including the idea of falling sick, getting into an argumentative discussion, excessive socializing, meeting aggressive people or missing my daily dose of meditation or exercise. I was also averse to making blunders (perhaps minor mistakes that appeared major only to me) and harbored a subliminal fear of potential loss – of losing a loved one, my reputation or my newfound sense of peace.

Learning to cope with it

Merely becoming aware of this aspect of my personality was instructive. I could then catch myself getting drawn into these thought-patterns more vividly. These reflective moments reinforced the truism that we cannot control what happens to us but we can surely make choices in how we respond to them. Rather than be anxious about what may transpire in our life, it is more relevant to focus on developing equanimity to deal with any situation more calmly.

I also figured that if wanting to succeed at all times was my previously held limiting belief, so is trying hard to avoid having to face failure the current one. Moderating excessive ambition and cultivating openness to falter are two ends of the same stick. It dawned on me that what was needed on my part was a greater willingness to be vulnerable – developing comfort with making more mistakes and learning to take myself less seriously.

I have been learning to relate to the humanness in everyone’s, and my own, fragilities; trying to see the positive in people and situations. All this has required not avoiding but engaging with the uncomfortable; appreciating that all experiences, happy or otherwise, are integral part of our life and that in fact, usually we learn and grow more from the painful ones.

Three key insights

I also learnt a lot more while trying to work with ‘greed’ and ‘aversion’. I have tried to summarize the same in three key insights, as follows:

1. Building self-awareness

‘Greed’ and ‘Aversion’ are two of the most significant challenges of human existence. We spend an inordinate amount of time, energy and thought towards getting or hoping to get what we don’t have. Equally, we are consumed by fear of losing what we do have. Either way, we stay anxious and dissatisfied in our current state.

We need to slow down, take a pause and examine what are our recurring sources of anxiety and what are our conditioned impulses towards ‘greed’ and ‘aversion’. If you are keen to alter your current state in any way and experience greater happiness, developing this awareness is pivotal.

2. Letting go of our judgmental self

We routinely fall prey to judging situations, people and even ourselves. We judge every situation and quickly label it as ‘favorable’ or ‘unfavorable’. Our habituated minds make us crave more of the favorable experiences and avoid the unfavorable ones – in some way, operating from the belief that not only is one state preferable but also that perhaps it is somehow possible for us to create that state on a sustained basis.

We need to recognize that such judgmental interpretations are hardly the reality; they are mere labels assigned by our conditioned minds. We need to let go of these labels and be open to all experiences with a similar sense of acceptance. When we stop judging situations and other people, we stop fearing the risk of being judged by others as well.

3. Cultivating equanimity

Learning to be a detached observer of our habituated thoughts and responses, without getting consumed by them, can be a meaningful way towards liberating ourselves of many of our inner struggles. Such witnessing helps us cultivate greater equanimity – that assists us in reducing our continuous thoughts of clinging and avoidance, and of judging everything as good or bad.

Such equanimity helps us better normalize what the Buddhist teachings identify as the eight variations of our tendency to continually hope and fear – pleasure and pain, praise and blame, gain and loss, fame and disgrace. Being a true and dispassionate observer can open us up to all types of experiences, pleasant or otherwise, with equal acceptance.

How about you?

All of us have pronounced tendencies towards ‘greed’ and ‘aversion’ which are a recurring cause of dissatisfaction, anxiety and unhappiness in our life.

What have you observed about yourself? What have been your sources of anxiety? Are you driven more by greed or aversion? What approaches have you adopted to deal with these and find greater peace?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences. Do leave your comments.

Related Search Terms:
anxiety disorder / causes of anxiety and depression

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COMMENTS

13 Responses to “Was Focused on Moderating Greed, Until I Discovered Aversion”

  1. Spacifix says:

    Interesting and insightful. And since you ask for personal experiences or thoughts, I sat back for a few minutes after reading this piece and the thought that kept replaying itself like a loop about something (which I shall just come to) was ‘is it aversion or is it apprehension’. And here I was reflecting on a feature that has a becoming a recurring theme for me. Its what I have chosen to label the fear of the known unknown. Simply put a kind of ‘precipice-itis’ – reaching the end of a path and then staring down at a dark and daunting abyss. And the other is more of the aversion to confrontation. Of any kind. With a parent, a friend, a child, a sales person, a colleague etc – any kind of confrontation that might even be at its approach stage triggers an almost physical response in the form of a sudden knotting of the neck muscles and the feeling of an oncoming headache. The latter, I have found is a much easier affliction to deal with, and my recipe is age old take a deep breath and count to ten approach. If it doesn’t work, rinse, repeat. I find not only does it make me calmer but also allows me time to think of how not to be in the dreaded position. The precipice-itis is a far more complex and personal situation to handle. With it comes many types of analysis, what-ifs, triages till finally one finds what hopefully is the right path. Right not because it is correct in any sense, because there IS no right or wrong. Its what makes me calmer and come to terms with the decision that I choose to make. So for me I would say its apprehension and aversion that account for the turbulence.

  2. Absolutely thought provoking.
    The most difficult part is this journey to self actualisation. Maslow’s theory has rightly put this at the top of the pyramid. The question that is intriguing is whether one has to travel through all the stages of hierarchy of needs before reaching the final stage?

  3. Very Nice.Attention is invited to my article http://www.esamskriti.com/essay-chapters/Peace-of-Mind~-A-Road-Map-in-the-Bhagavad-Gita-1.aspx
    The golden rule is “Reflect but not react”.-
    Sethumadhavan

  4. Payal says:

    As I got to the part “I subconsciously detested multiple things, big and small, including the idea of falling sick, getting into an argumentative discussion, excessive socializing etc” I felt that it could have been I who was writing…
    I feel that I have lived a part of my life feeling this same aversion that you talk about in your article and when we are in this state of mind (which I believe is a stage of life that we all go through at one time or another) one does tend to think one is superior to others; who one chooses to look down upon…because living is all about making choices, as you so correctly point out. But only in choosing to follow a path that leads us to a greater happiness can we find happiness that is true and I sometimes think not quite real.
    I wonder if us humans have got it all back to front? I mean isn’t happiness all about enjoying the everyday to the most, whereas we think it is this unattainable state that deprivation brings. Anyway, I am coming to singapura, we will chat soon;-))

  5. Anonymous says:

    What you have written is very much experienced by most of us I think.My confusion is in the method to go forward, rather HOW to stop the chatter in the mind, labeling and cultivate the non-judgmental attitude. Although the awareness is in the knowledge level, how does one practice it?That’s the tough part and require some guidance.Will meditation be a starting point?

  6. Rajiv Vij says:

    Yes, meditation can be a great starting point and ongoing practice to learn and experience the sense of let go, detachment from thoughts and sensations as well as equanimity. If it is of interest to you, you may like to read the posts on meditation published on this blog. Regards.

  7. Rajiv Vij says:

    Great point Jayan, thanks for sharing. I reckon it is important to have addressed other needs or at least consciously made peace with them before one can effectively experience the final stage. If not, the journey to self-realization would be marred by emotional inadequacy, limiting personal beliefs or other sources of incompleteness.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Fear of the unknown seems to cause the disturbance. When we understand and realize that it is okay to make mistakes and correct ourselves, that failure and loss do not mean the end of things,blame is part of the game, then any apprehension or aversion can gradually disappear, isn’t it?Please correct me if other-wise.
    Agree with Spacfix about taking a deep breath and counting…..as long as it takes!!
    Thanks for the blog post.Awaiting a reply.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Greetings to you Sir!
    Here’s a request on a different note.Could you please write on/enumerate on a sample list of the blessings we receive. There is urgent need to open the eyes of a teen-aged girl who has received in abundance but fails to see or seems to be oblivious of them. Thank you.

  10. Rajiv Vij says:

    In response to the earlier anonymous comment…yes, I agree with your thoughts. As Rudyard Kipling said, “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster; and treat those two impostors just the same”, then our aversion to loss would get diminished…

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  12. Hi rajiv i have read the article and want to add one more point by which we can cultivate equanimity. For equanimity a person has to accept both good and bad or like and dislike etc. . A person can also develop equanimity by rejecting both good and bad or like and dislike etc.. . I want to know your response in this regard.

  13. Rajiv Vij says:

    Hi Raj Pal: Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Acceptance of good or bad with equal measure is indicative of acknowledging the reality with openness. Rejecting the good and bad can be construed as avoiding the reality and hence would be less preferable. Regards!