Over ten years ago, I chose to make a life shift. A part of this was an aspiration to live my ideal day as often as possible. My vision was to coach for about six hours a day, meditate for an hour, exercise or play a sport for an hour, plenty of time with the family and a couple of hours to read and perhaps write. It’s been a dream come true!

However, over time, I began to realise that I had become quite attached to my ideal day. Particularly on weekdays, all my other plans had to be aligned to this daily routine. Missing my exercise even for a day made me uneasy. Watching even a late night grand slam final was a no-no so as to avoid the risk of being sloppy at the next morning’s meditation.

What I learnt in the process

What I have learnt in the process is that too much of a good thing is not necessarily good. While I gained tremendously from this self-discipline, I surely lost some flexibility and spontaneity in the process. While virtues are called so for a reason, we can easily become obsessed with them and in the process lose perspective. Everything has to be viewed with a sense of balance. As stoic philosophers explain, there is always an optimal value, beyond which anything is toxic, no matter what.

Do you have a parent or a family member who is super organised and always punctual. Surely a positive trait. Perhaps, they are even quite proud of it. However, have you noticed how anxious they get when things are not going to plan. How much stress they create for those around them who may be less organised. As we seek excellence at planning, we also need to cultivate acceptance – of things not always going to plan or of the value others place on being organised.

Even the universally accepted values are worth examining

Here are some quick examples of how, when taken to extreme, even some of the more universally accepted values and traits may have limitations.

Love is a source of life. Loving others nourishes our soul and nurtures the person we love. However, excessive attachment to even our loved ones usually leads to expectations (of being loved in return), a sense of control and insecurity.

Honesty and directness is a reflection of strong character. Nevertheless, being too direct in our communication without being compassionate can be hurtful.

Generosity and willingness to give more of ourselves is wonderful and life affirming. All the same, giving without being open to receiving is bound to lead to depletion (of energy and inner resources) and thereby impair our ability to keep giving.

Being perceptive of others’ emotions and behaviour is a sign of emotional intelligence. However, being perceptive, without being mature enough to interpret the signals accurately, can lead to being judgmental of others.

Open-mindedness is a sign of intellectual growth. But then, being too open-minded can make us indecisive.

Spirituality is integral to human evolution. At the same time, a single-minded pursuit of spirituality can disconnect us from the realities of our physical world.

Integrity is a fundamental virtue. However, latest social exchange theories point out that excessive emphasis on integrity by parents and leaders at work leads to feeling of being judged, conformity and a poor sense of well-being for children and team members.

Happiness is a core objective of life. However, unless they are highly evolved, very happy people tend to grow a sense of bravado (that nothing can happen to them) and an inability to empathize with the challenges of others.

The optimal balance

I have also learnt that the optimal balance, the sweet spot, between different values is very personal. You need to discover yours. Whatever suits your personality and serves your ecosystem well. Besides the sweet spot is not a fixed place. As your self-awareness and circumstances change, and they always do, you may experience a new disorder in your life. This requires discovering a fresh optimal balance. That’s how we evolve.

Over the past couple of years, I have been trying to find a new balance. I realise that I don’t need to live my ideal life every day; measuring it on a more wholistic time frame is healthier. Missing a session of meditation doesn’t stop me from practicing mindfulness in my interactions; listening to my body rather than my mind to determine the amount of exercise I need is energising. Being more open to going with the flow has been liberating.