We all know that each child is different. However, it can be puzzling when you are trying to make sense of dramatically different responses of two children to identical stimuli. One is carefree and the other anxious, one seems unaffected and the other very sensitive.

Breakthrough research by human development specialists Bruce Ellis of the University of Arizona and Thomas Boyce of the University of California, Berkeley, establishes how the genetic make-up influences the temperament of a child. This make-up dictates how sensitive the child is to the stresses of his environment. Using the Swedish expressions of amaskrosbarn (a dandelion child) and orkidebarn (an orchid child), they describe the two personality types.

Dandelions are hardy, resilient and adaptable. They can survive in the toughest of conditions. They even grow out of sidewalks. Likewise, children with this genetic predisposition tend to be tougher, resilient and less dependent on their environment. Orchids on the other hand are delicate and require special soil and water conditions to blossom. Similarly, the orchid type children tend to be highly sensitive, easily impacted by their environment and require a supportive ecosystem to thrive.

Why it matters

Understanding your child’s personality make-up can serve as an important guide to your parenting approach. While no child is wholly one type or another, knowing their innate make-up can help you adapt your parenting style. Besides, instead of judging them, you can more fully understand and love them for who they are.

Parenting a dandelion, you can comfortably throw more challenges at them and be less anxious if they fail. All the same, they need your love and support to grow their sensitive side. While they are strong and hardy, they can sometimes be low on empathy and compassion.

With an orchid, you need to be more mindful of offering a safety net as you challenge them. They can also feel pressured faster. You must be patient when they seem to get overwhelmed by their workload or their social situations at school. They just require more TLC from you. While you should not overprotect them, more than other children, orchids need your non-anxious presence. Unless you are confident, relaxed and open to possibilities, you only fuel their fears.

Then there’s the Tulip

A Tulip personality represents the child who’s born with a healthy mix of the other two types. This type is hardy and resilient as well as sensitive and compassionate. As parents, this would be an aspirational space for us to develop and nurture our children towards.

Other takeaways

While I dislike the idea of labeling children, your helping them become aware of some of their intrinsic traits could be useful. It would also be a good idea to encourage them to take greater personal responsibility of their own journey of personal growth. This can be empowering for them.

It’s fair to assume that the opportunity to work on these traits may not be limited to childhood years. As they grow up, knowing their preferences could be potentially relevant for their relationships, choice of profession, success and happiness.

An orchid type may do better in a lower stress work environment. He may also benefit from quieter workspaces (orchids dislike loud settings). He would be better in relationships with people who are confident and supportive. At the same time, it would serve him well to learn to be more assertive in expressing his needs. This becomes pronounced particularly in a relationship with dandelion personalities who may not naturally be as sensitive to his needs.

A dandelion type would gain a lot by embracing greater sensitivity and empathy for her partner and colleagues. She would be better off choosing to not dominate her relationships.  This is particularly relevant with the orchid type, as it could suppress their true self and make them anxious.

Finally

Whether your child was born an orchid or a dandelion, supporting them to strive towards a healthy mix of strength and compassion is rewarding. Likewise for the children, building higher self-awareness and choosing to work on themselves, in a way that serves them and others alround them better, would only add to their long-term happiness and sense of fulfilment.