Why do we struggle to be calm, content and happy? One of the reasons is we are restless about a better future. Too often, we are waiting for something to change favourably in our life. Getting a promotion, winning a business deal, losing weight, improving our love life or traveling to new locations.
This restlessness comes from a belief that by achieving such goals, we would somehow be at peace and happier. If you reflect on your past aspirations and achievements, you know that this is not necessarily true. That this belief is flawed. That our restlessness stretches beyond particular milestones and so does our lack of peace.
The only way to experience inner peace is to learn to live in the present. To be anchored in what is, without obsessing about what could be, should be and would be. To accept and love where we are at this moment, be at ease with the current imperfections of our life and acknowledge that we are a work in progress. But this requires an important skill – more about that in a moment.
The larger issue
Attachment to favourable future outcomes is only one of our mental obsessions. Our mind is constantly racing with an unending stream of thoughts. We don’t consciously generate these thoughts – they just keep arising on their own.
And a vast majority of these thoughts are linked to the past or the future. Unfortunately, many of them are unhealthy and lead to negative emotions. Dwelling on missed opportunities of the past makes us sad; fear of a potentially unfavourable event in the future makes us anxious.
Because we are not alive to what is transpiring within us at any moment, we are not aware of how these endless thoughts hijack our thinking. As a result, our actions are on auto-pilot too. Recurring situations generate predictable thoughts, feelings and actions. For example, someone challenging us hurts our ego and we wish to prove them wrong. Every time.
The pathway to inner peace and happiness
Living in the present requires being in touch with our inner being – the thoughts we are having and the feelings we are experiencing in that moment. Being attuned to our inner being ensures that we are not at the mercy of the thoughts and feelings that we experience. We can’t control how they arise within us, but by being aware of them we can improve how we act from them.
When we are mindful this way, we can quickly catch the thoughts and feelings that arise from our ego, envy, fear, over-excitement, passion or restlessness. The moment we instinctively want to win an argument or prove how smart we are, feel low from someone else’ success, feel anxious about an uncertain future or impulsively reach out for our phone. Such awareness can help us reduce the power of these impulses on our mind which in turn helps us experience greater peace and calm.
Cultivating the skill
Being in this state requires building a deeper acceptance of our current reality, without wishing it to be different, even when we are in physical or emotional discomfort. By simply training our attention on observing what’s happening within. As we practice being self-aware, it’s important to not judge ourselves or our thoughts and feelings. Judging them, wishing them to go away or indulging in them only serves to fuel them.
If you have tried any of this, you would perhaps agree on how hard it is to even attempt being in this state. However, we know even from our glimpses of this state that it’s the true pathway to inner peace. A regular practice of mindfulness meditation can help in slowly cultivating this skill. Learning to be grateful for where we are further supports the sense of calm and equanimity.
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Thanks Rajiv.
Being mindful at all times is important. You can then prevent That Negative Thought from forming a train. Likewise positive thoughts are accretive. The last thought before dozing off at night, can be “What are the good and positive actions I did today”. Helps.
Being non value judgemental in conversation and transaction are essential. Very often our bias ‘jumps to conclusion’ totally ignoring the ending which the conversant wished to convey.
Listening more, helps
Thank you for the sharing Kalyan!
Interesting read Rajiv. Am half way through reading a book called Chatter by Ethan Cross.
Some of the techniques mentioned in that book with respect to how to work on negative train of thoughts running through our minds are very helpful.
Constant reminder of the being aware in the current situation in your article is a takeaway for me. Thanks.
Thanks for the sharing Hemanth, will check out the book. Yeah, just being aware of our emerging thoughts and feelings is hard but very helpful. Thanks!
A very thought provoking blog and a nice reminder of staying grounded on the tenets of mindfulness where regrets of the past and anxieties of the future do not spoil your present moment. I like your phrase, “you are a WIP” that helps to draw a sense of assurance and comforts the mind. Thank you Rajiv for this brilliant piece. Lastly, a very fine painting depicting the state of the mind and its immense potential in sync with the article’s message!
Many thanks for your comments Rajneesh, glad the ideas resonated with you!
Hemant Vijh, one of the readers of my blog, sent me a beautiful and insightful poem on this topic that he had recently written. Happy to share here:
कुछ देर ठहर कर क्या राह को मंज़िल नहीं बना सकते,
बरसात को भूल कर सिर्फ़ बादलो मैं घर नहीं बना सकते
यूँ भागता भागता मंज़िल तक पहुँच भी जाओं तो,
वो मंज़िल मेरी मंज़िल हैं इसका यकीन कैसे करूँ
उस मंज़िल से भी इक राह निकलेगी ज़रूर,
तो इक नई मज़िल की तलाश क्या मैं फिर से करूँ
इसी कशमकश में बिता दूं अपनी ज़िंदगी के यह हसीन पल,
या फिर तेरी आगोश को ही अपनी मंज़िल समझ तेरा सजदा करूँ
क्या आगे बड़ना ज़रूरी है, क्या ठहराव अंत का सूचक है,
अगर है भी तो मैं क्यों इस सत्य से डरूँ
कल मेरी मंज़िल पर साथ तेरा हो ना हो,
क्यों ना आज मैं इस राह को ही अपनी मंज़िल करूँ॥
Many thanks for sharing Hemant!
Thanks for sharing Rajiv and I am glad you liked it! I love reading your articles, they are interesting and thought provoking.
Life is a journey of peaks & valleys
Trying time calls for patience & calm
Despite walking on the right path difficulties do come but discipline life teaches us to fight the adverseries with brave face
It is these very challenges which bring true self
The virtuous consider adverseries as real test & fight them heads on
Many thanks Rajiv ji ! I love reading ur articles, by reading ur articles i get answers to my many questions.
The lines “The moment we instinctively want to win an argument or prove how smart we are, feel low from someone else’ success, feel anxious about an uncertain future or impulsively reach out for our phone. Such awareness can help us reduce the power of these impulses on our mind”.
Such awareness is experienced if one practices vipassana meditation. Truly magnificent a path to follow.
Thanks Neeloferr! Yes, I find Vipassana very helpful too!