Photo by steenslag

Five years ago, I found myself laid up in bed for a severe backache. The exact diagnosis was unclear and the advice from the medical practitioners (and that available freely online) was very confusing. For the most part, the pain was unbearable. It was hard for me to sleep and for some days I was almost completely immobile.

Besides the physical pain, my emotional turmoil was perceptible. I felt a loss of control – suddenly, all my plans seemed up in the air; I questioned my health regime and wondered where I had gone wrong; my attempts to meditate were rendered futile by the pain, making me doubt the point and effectiveness of my meditation practice; I was restless and vulnerable; I agonised over the lack of a clear diagnosis or the way forward.

As I resisted the reality of the situation, I suffered. The pain was circumstantial, but suffering was largely self-inflicted. As humans, illness, separation, setbacks and loss are our painful companions. We age, lose our loved ones, see a family member struggle – resulting in physical or emotional pain. However, the associated suffering in our heart and mind is paralysing.

Why do we suffer?

We suffer from our painful experiences for three key reasons.

1. Resistance

Our psyche is programmed to seek pleasure and resist pain. That’s our karmic baggage from the past. We then wish to avoid any kind of pain – physical or emotional. Pain makes us sad, frustrated and angry. We feel like a victim of our circumstances and become envious of anyone whose circumstances seem more favourable.

The reality of human experience is that Suffering = Pain X Resistance; the more we resist the reality, the more we suffer.

2. Attachment to self-image

We are attached to an idealised image of our self. Right from childhood, based on our own perception and comments from parents, teachers and friends, we form a mental impression of a perfect self. Over time, we subconsciously want…

Photo by h.koppdelaney

The other day I was swimming in our building’s pool. After a few minutes, I noticed a stranger get into the pool and start to swim next to me. I am not sure why, but I instinctively felt the need to swim faster. After two quicker laps, I started to wonder what I was doing and how silly I was being. What had suddenly made me behave this way? My ego.

That’s what makes us feel slighted when our kids don’t necessary follow our instructions, feel upset when our colleagues give us critical feedback, or experience envy at a friend’s success.

Ego

Fundamentally, ego is a misplaced sense of self. In denial of who we truly are, ego exaggerates our sense of importance as a separate entity. It overlooks our reality as an integral part of an interconnected cosmic consciousness. Because we see ourselves in isolation of everything else, we naturally consider it our primary goal to protect and enhance ourselves.

As we grow up, the ego arising from this sense of separation gets further corrupted. Unable to emotionally cope with life’s challenges, we build a shield of unhealthy ego to protect our vulnerabilities. We show off to establish our importance; avoid an argument to protect ourselves from the risk of being disliked; and judge others to protect and enhance our self-image.

Ego is central to unhappiness

Ego makes us self-absorbed. We become too attached to the ideas of ‘I’, ‘me’ and ‘mine. We obsess about benefitting from all our actions. This is a key source of stress in our life. Since we cannot control all outcomes, results that differ from our desires routinely create anxiety, anger and sadness.

Besides, we take everything personally. We perceive our lucky breaks as a product of our smarts and the unfavourable events as a reflection of our limitations. This further bruises our emotional well-being. Obsessed with our individuality and free will, we fail to recognize the role of cosmic intelligence in…

Photo by h.koppdelaney

Do you struggle with anxiety, fear, self-doubt, guilt or envy? I continue to – although nowadays perhaps with greater awareness. Anxiety about the impact children’s certain traits may have on their future, judging others and myself harshly, aversion to setbacks, fear of social disapproval, attachment to favourable outcomes, or even the unending doubts about my swing on the golf course!

Key human challenge

Any strongly felt negative emotions are our inner demons. We all have our fair share of them. They collectively operate like a convincing inner voice that significantly influences our every day thoughts and behavior. A majority of our inner demons are inborn. It’s kind of our karmic imprint. With childhood and other life experiences, they evolve. However, unless we consciously work towards resolving them, they continue to haunt us.

One of the key reasons we are unable to shake them off is that we are simply caught up in our outer and visible life. We pay disproportionate attention to our material growth and strongly identify with that progress. In the process, we loose sight of the inner journey – the need and the opportunity to reform our inner selves. Besides, we obsess about how we are perceived by others. We routinely judge others and in turn worry about being judged by our peers and social network.

While material progress is important, it’s not the core purpose of life. Alongside playing various visible roles at work, home and in our community, we have a deeper purpose to fulfil. It is to overcome our personal inner demons and to steadily replace them with courage, trust, love, compassion and mindfulness; and through that, discover our true potential for living a happy, balanced and meaningful life.

Impact on effectiveness

Our professional and personal effectiveness is directly and negatively impacted by the hold these inner demons have on our mental make-up. Elite sports psychologists repeatedly highlight that performance equals potential minus interference. True in life too. Our mental…