We judge others all the time. Rarely does a day go by before I catch myself judging someone. We judge our spouse, children, colleagues, friends and acquaintances. We feel at liberty to label them as self centered, inconsiderate, lazy, aggressive, overambitious, uninteresting, irresponsible and so forth. These labels then prevent us from connecting to them more deeply.
As Mother Teresa said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
Not only do these labels shape our interactions in the present moment, but they also often lead us to forming longer-lasting opinions about others. My husband never cares; my daughter doesn’t have the hunger and will never be successful; my business head is very selfish or too political and the person I met at the party was so aggressive. As such, we classify others’ personality based on their current behavior and can be dismissive of them.
We judge ourselves
Besides others, we routinely judge ourselves. I can never punch above my weight in a meeting; I am never the life of a party; I am not that talented; I don’t have in me to be successful; my writing is so amateurish and so forth. This subconscious commentary is our perpetual companion.
This self-judgment impacts us in wide-ranging ways. It pervades our thoughts, making us feel inadequate; creates self-doubt, negating our commitment towards the task; leads to self-blame, making us undeservedly feel guilty; and generates residual stress in our bodies, resulting in reduced immunity and increased propensity to physical ailments.
How do we become judgmental?
Besides our karmic imprint at birth, comprising innate preferences and predispositions, we acquire much of our judgmental nature from our childhood experiences. Being routinely judged by our parents, teachers and peers during our formative years does two things. One, our self-esteem takes a hit and we feel inadequate within. Second, we start to believe that it is desirable to…
