I know it sounds like a morbid question. But I believe reflecting on it can be insightful and rewarding. Working recently with a client battling a seemingly terminal illness was an eye opener. It was enlightening to see how the illness brought sharp mental clarity for him and triggered meaningful life changes. I wondered about the changes I would make if I knew I had such limited time.
Anthony had been diagnosed with third-stage colon cancer. He was 49 years old, married and had 18-years-old twin girls. When we met, he had undergone a surgery and was about to start his radiation therapy. While he was expectedly overcome with fear and anxiety, I was struck by his openness and determination to heal.
Life Lessons
He began by exploring the lessons this illness was trying to present to him. He identified that he only knew the ‘play’ button and never pressed ‘pause’ in life – that he obsessively chased future goals, identified strongly with his professional success, pursued trivial pleasures and never had time for a health check. Forced to pause, he could see the value in choosing to slow down and living in the present.
In moments of quiet reflection, he wondered about the futility of his actions that were simply trying to feed his ego – always pushing to get ahead, trying to look better than others and wanting to win in every interaction. He could relate to the potential lightness in letting go of his ego and becoming a more secure person.
Despite his past attachment with the material life, he had suddenly developed a strong urge to explore spirituality. He immersed himself into books and videos about inner healing, contacted a Reiki healer and began taking meditation lessons. He was starting to see his illness as an opportunity to grow in courage, patience, mindfulness, empathy, kindness and humour.
Holistic Living
Notwithstanding the daily ups and downs of his condition, through some of the practices he was following, he was progressively feeling more centred. He was keen to live each day in the most meaningful way possible. His plan: minimise online time, exercise regularly (except on days he was in excessive pain or was going to the hospital), meditate, practise affirmations and visualisation, and spend more loving time with his family. While he was still running his business, he had substantially reduced his hours.
Connecting with a deeper purpose
As he continued to deepen his inner work, I encouraged him to reflect on what he wanted the rest of his life, irrespective of its likely length, to be about. He made a strong connection with two aspects. One, the need to find greater acceptance and being at peace with wherever things are at any stage of life. Two, to be more loving and caring towards people around him. Ideas we all know to be relevant but fail to live by.
Because of his busyness at work, he hadn’t been often present for his wife and daughters. He regretted that. With his new sense of purpose, and despite his difficulty with expressing emotions, he decided to write a loving letter to his wife and each of the daughters. It was heart-rending to hear parts of what he had written!
What would you change?
At times, it was agonising to see his pain and helplessness. Yet, at other times, it was inspirational to witness his enormous drive for meaningful change. As he often remarked, he was trying to add life to his days, much less days to his life.
His journey left me with many questions. Do we have to face a real crisis to make positive changes in our life? What would it take for us to slow down? How much at peace are we at different stations in our life? How loving are we towards even our loved ones? What can we consciously do to dilute our ego? How clear are we about the purpose of our life?
What would you like to change in your life right now?
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Thanks Rajiv, for sharing this reflective blog. It is a crucial question that we are all faced with sooner or later in our lives. It may be something that we are forced to think about or it may be something that we stumble upon through witnessing another’s experience.
I really appreciated your question to Anthony – “What do you want the rest of your life, irrespective of the length of it, to be about?”
I came across a book by Eknath Easwaran titled “Take your Time” that your blog reminded me of. Thank you!
Thank you for your comments Anuj, glad post resonated with you. Thanks for mentioning the book too, will check it out!
It was really wonderful reading this article as I can easily connect my work with the palliative care. I regularly come across this sort of scenario in a human’s life nearing to death. As You rightly mentioned the ego and of course the late realisation in understanding the life if the key which needs to understand. This needs a lot of awareness among the people by keeping the center point of “Its never too late”
Thank you so much for this wonderful article Rajiv sir.
Hi Dennis, good to hear from you and yes, appreciate all the wonderful work you do with Palliative Care in the toughest of environments. Glad the article connected with you!
As a doctor, I find the subject differently but according to my religion there is another aspect to look at it.
Jainology has the philosophy of Vedniya Karma, once Asatavedniya karma emerges, you will face with the problems related to health.
Your past Karmas which you have sown, have to be suffered by you alone. If you take them in right spirit, a result of your own Karmas, you may be relieved of the consequences in your next bhav. Once your AYUSH KARMA, is over you have to say final good bye.
As a doctor, the approach is to face this type of illness in a positive way and find ways to keep one occupied, so that you get rid of the guilt complex and the ‘Why me’ syndrome.
I recently came across the concept of getting in touch with your inner child
Children are innately happy, accepting, and view the world unscathed!
Over the course of our lives, so many layers are added to cloud our approach to life.
We make our greatest friends and relationships at a very young age, and we tend to maintain those relationships longer than recent acquaintances.
I for one feel, that if we are able to revisit our inner child and connect with the inner child of other individuals, strong ,non judge-mental and sustained relationship are built.
Thank you Rajiv for your reflective post. If Next Year Were Your Last, How Would You Spend It?- pertinent question not only from a terminal lens but also from a progressive lens- what next? is always a good question as we continually figure out progress and direction of progress.
I can relate to the example of Anthony from a context point of view as my Dad has been diagnosed with Colon Cancer few years back and have gone through similar medical procedures. Similarity with the described example however ends there and I have some great learning from my Dad’s emotional experience. My Dad had a Government desk job and was already retired when he was diagnosed. He was very high in his spiritual awareness and even today leads a simple, independent and happy life. He spreads cheer through his child like simplicity and egoless interaction with people around him. When the diagnosis happened he was himself taken aback as he was not prepared for something like this. He was scared and unprepared and we were all in shock. The fear of fatality engulfed all of us for a few days and we were not able to think straight. One night I did a lot of reading and kept awake the whole night and spend the next day in solitude. Next I went up to my father and told him Dad you are a fighter. We have always known you as a striker(in his early days My Dad has been a formidable football player, a forward scorer); a man of positivity, discipline, and a fighter. He had enmity with none. He believed in spirituality and his religion is service onto others.
I told him you are going to fight this Cancer with the same spirit. It took him a while to sink in and from then on he was back to his usual self. All of us prayed for his life and we did everything possible to thwart this virus. We are very grateful he survived and lives 10 years now after the diagnosis. What a gift? Life lesson learnt it is not a medical process but an emotional journey and when I consult Doctors they resonate the same finding through data of all surviving patients.
I think the set of questions you raise may change for each as we are all unique. Each one of us have to go through our self awareness journey, reflect, reorient and tread our own pathway fulfilling our purpose and meaning of life.
Hi Abhijit, thank you for such generous sharing. Insightful ideas and an inspiring story of your dad’s journey! So true, it’s our personal journey of self-awareness, purpose and meaning that we need to mindfully invest in even when we are statistically far away from the end…
Thank Rajiv for sharing this. Currently I am reflecting and reinforcing the same question, taking on the necessary steps.. the first one being spending more time with family…and health.
Thanks for reinforcing this.