Shankar, a Chennai-based businessman, was disturbed by his 19-year-old son Arjun’s sudden change in behaviour. Arjun is a bright, driven and hardworking student. At his high school, he was not only one of the top students, but also an accomplished guitarist and a member of the swim team. He was a bit reserved though and felt uncomfortable outside of his circle of close friends.

However, within his first semester at a university in Chicago, he started to feel socially anxious. He was scared of meeting new people and avoided all social events on campus. He began to feel isolated and depressed. His grades started to drop. Uncomfortable with the idea, he avoided discussing about this with his parents. But when he was home during the winter break, his parents started to notice some changes in his behaviour. He would stay in his room till late morning and displayed no interest in music, exercising or even going out – things he previously loved.

When the parents asked him about it, he kind of dismissed it as nothing significant. As the break went by, the parents became more anxious and impatient with his unexplained behaviour. Shankar tried motivating him to get on with things. By the time it was summer break, the parents were beginning to feel helpless. They felt that their son didn’t care about his goals, that he was being irresponsible and would let himself and them down. As they arranged for counselling sessions for him, they continued to cajole him to improve and get back on track.

All along missing the point. That, what Arjun needed most was not advice, but their love – unconditional love. That when someone’s confidence, self-belief and self-worth are on the low, they don’t need motivating speeches; they need acceptance and love. Not feeling judged and instead feeling accepted and loved for who they are (despite their imperfections), by people they care about, is crucial for their healing.

While Shankar has since made amends, we can all improve on our ability to practice unconditional love. We can be mindful of not judging others quickly and instead be more empathetic to their circumstances. Practicing and experiencing unconditional love is the very purpose of human life. It can be the source of greatest energy within us. Such unconditional love requires transcending our ego, attachments, judgmental nature and growing compassion, trust in the universe and belief that all will be well.

We can practice unconditional love for others only if we have learnt to love ourselves unconditionally – accept ourselves for who we are. This does not mean we start believing that we are perfect, we simply recognise that we are unique, complete and whole as we are – and by extension so are others. We can always get better, but then not from a place of deficiency but from a place of completeness.

Key foundation for your goals

Whatever your goals and new year resolutions, you will find practicing unconditional love for yourself and others will support you in your pursuits. Healthy self-love will motivate you to take care of your well-being (read diet, exercise, sleep, meditation, hobbies, less time at work); empathy for your colleagues will raise your effectiveness at work; unconditional love for your family will help you be a better spouse and parent; and compassion for the less privileged will support your greater giving.

Wish you a blessed 2020!